Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
