Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
