1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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