Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
