I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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