Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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