I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
