This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
