Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
