having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
