I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
