She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
