Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
