Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
