i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
