There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
