he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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