You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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