I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
