I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
