Me. At least after what I've been through.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
