now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
