just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
