im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
