mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
