you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I want her autograph on my taint
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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