I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
