I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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