Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
