I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
