Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
