Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
