even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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