so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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