What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
