I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
