she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
