i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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