My balls are so social today.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
