from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
