dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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