how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
