He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
