remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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