Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
