If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
