You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
