Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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