I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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