Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
