I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
