He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
