i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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