I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
