did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
