to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
