Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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