The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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